Playful Parenting: A Path to Connection
There’s something magical about play. As parents, we often feel like we need to get down on the floor and engage in dress-up or play tag, but here’s the truth: You don’t have to become your child’s playmate to be playful.
As a Waldorf parent and PCI Certified Parent Coach®️, I felt a wave of relief when I realized that being a good mom didn’t require me to don a princess costume or zoom around the yard in a rigorous game of tag. My own playfulness shows up in ways that are authentic to who I am. I love speaking in accents—Scottish, British, you name it! My kids, now 18 and 22, have picked up on it, and to this day, Keaton has an incredible Scottish accent, while Isabel can switch between a British or Australian one effortlessly. These shared moments, including our tradition of kicking off fall with a pumpkin latte at Starbucks, are where our connections have grown the most.
What Is Playful Parenting?
At its core, playful parenting is not about the activity itself but about the connection it creates. It’s meeting your child where they are—whether that’s in a world of dragons and fairies or simply in a shared giggle over breakfast. The truth is, children live in a world of emotion and play, and when we speak their language, we can establish a connection that transcends discipline.
Developmental psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld reminds us that play is not about outcomes; it’s about the process. We often fall into the trap of treating children like "little workers," expecting them to learn from consequences and rewards. But children aren’t wired to operate in that way, especially when they’re young and still developing. If we approach discipline like work—shaping behavior through outcomes—without addressing the emotional and relational roots of their behavior, we’re likely to feel frustrated.
Playfulness Prevents Parenting Problems
Neufeld outlines the root causes of most problem behaviors in children, including immaturity, emotional impulses, or a lack of attachment to the adult in charge. And while discipline often feels like the natural solution, play can be much more effective in addressing these underlying causes.
Playfulness, particularly when used intentionally, can help children release pent-up emotions, feel safe, and, most importantly, feel connected to you. When children feel connected, they are less likely to push against boundaries or spiral into power struggles.
This is where practical, playful strategies come into play (pun intended).
10 Minutes of Play = 20 Minutes Saved
Lawrence J. Cohen, a therapist specializing in play therapy, encourages parents to set a timer for just 10 minutes and give themselves over to play without distractions. Whether it’s a role-reversal game where you let your child “parent” you for a bit or a simple session of making silly faces, you might be surprised at how quickly you and your child fall into the flow. And here's the best part—Cohen shares that those 10 minutes of connection often save you 20 minutes of nagging, negotiating, and whining later.
The power of play isn’t in how elaborate or energetic it is. In fact, it’s the little moments of silliness and lightheartedness that create lasting bonds. You don’t need to chase your child around the yard to create these connections—try weaving playfulness into everyday moments. Whether it’s using a funny accent to announce it’s time for dinner, telling a silly story to help with transitions, or playfully racing to the car in the morning, these are the moments where connection thrives.
Connecting Without Overstepping
However, it’s important to be mindful. Playfulness should never slip into sarcasm or teasing that may go too far. Jokes can sometimes be misunderstood by younger children or even older ones, leaving them feeling disconnected. We can always check in with ourselves: “Is my play bringing us closer, or creating distance?”
Letting Go of Being the Perfect Playmate
If you’re like me, you may feel a sense of relief knowing you don’t have to be your child’s playmate. You don’t have to climb into every imaginative scenario they dream up. Instead, focus on using play to connect in ways that feel natural and fun for you. Children thrive on our authentic selves, not on some idealized version of what we think play should look like. My kids have never needed me to be their playmate, but they have needed me to show up, to engage with them on their terms—whether that was a goofy accent or our shared love for fall treats.
So, the next time you’re feeling pressure to entertain your child, remember this: Play is about connection, not perfection. Let your playful side show in ways that feel genuine, and watch as your relationship deepens in ways that make your parenting journey just a bit easier.
Lose Your Dignity to Find Your Child
As Dr. Cohen says, discipline and connection don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Sometimes, to connect with our children, we need to let go of our adult need for order and embrace the playful mess. When we do, we might just find that play is not only fun for them—but for us too.